Success Nuggets on Parenting with Frank

RealMen Initiative | Professional & Accredited Business Men & Women in Nigeria


The reality today is that times are dire and has become necessary for both parents to earn a living. So the question is with the two options on the table and being as realistic as possible, what is the most reasonable choice be? Would a parent rather sit at home to give warmth to their children or go the extra mile to eke a living that would give their children the Good Life? Even when it means that would take them away from home for longer time than necessary.

It should be noted that a primary assignment of parents is to raise godly children. Every other thing like feeding, education, etc. are only contributory to that (See Malachi 2:15 and Genesis 18:19). So it is important that parents should keep their eyes on what is important. But how can this be done? Is this an excuse to parents to neglect their duties to take care of their ward? Absolutely not! What is required is balancing; and fortunately, the One who instituted marriage has also created the way by which this vital balance can be attained.

In introducing the woman, the Lord said He was making a helper that is suitable, comparable and just right for the man. (Genesis 2:18). However, we have couples have not really fully understood the meaning of this help provided by God. To understand this, we may need to take a tour on the assignments handed to man by God. But this is not the place for that. Suffice me to say that we have mentioned one earlier and that is to raise a godly generation. How does the woman help the man achieve this? How can both parents form the needed synergy to achieve this? And ultimately, how can they achieve this if they are chasing career or business?

One conversation that is often missing from intending couples is the philosophy or vision of the kind of family they intend to have. And trust me, the best time to have this kind of discussion is before and not after marriage. It is important for intending couples to agree if both of them would pursue a career or one would stay back to rear children. If you ask me, I am of the view that this is important to determine whether or not they are compatible.

I are not saying it is the duty of the woman to sit back at home to “take care of the children” as some of my African men may erroneously think. I am saying that both couples need to decide that and that it is better done before they tie the knot to avoid a situation where one is accused of deception. I am also not saying that any one of the parents would have to be a house wife or house husband. But that while one of the parents pursue a time consuming career or business, the other one must, out of agreement and a consciousness of what is at stake, pursue a business or career that must make him/her available for the children and by so doing make up for the absence of his/her partner.

This calls for a high level of compromise, maturity and understanding on the part of both parents. Compromise because one may need to let go of his/her lofty dream at least when children are growing up. Maturity because on no account should the other be made to feel inferior or that he/she is not contributing enough. And understanding because both parties need to keep in focus what is important and why they are making the sacrifice.

Franklin Onoben is a Pastor, Counselor and Career coach and a member of REALMEN INITIATIVE under Seminars

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